NORFOLK, Virginia – Local man Don Nelson has been an avid motorsports fan since he was a boy in the 1980s growing up watching Indycar, Formula 1, and IMSA’s GTP monsters. Lately he’s been thinking a lot about celebrities at race events, possibly too much so. “He just keeps pacing around the kitchen saying ‘Serena, Megan Thee, Will Smith, Shaq’ quietly to himself,” said Nelson’s wife Mary, “It started Sunday night. He won’t talk, eat, or sleep. He just ignores our newborn daughter and won’t even play with our 4 year old son.

Like many morons on Twitter, Mr. Nelson is thinking too hard about celebrities and what role racing plays in every day life. It’s a vicious cycle where racing fans think, and possibly talk about their thoughts in public, which is a very dangerous, and sad thing.