LORDSTOWN, Ohio – Lordstown Motors, an electric vehicle company nobody has heard of that started in 2018 in one of the most boring states ever, is not doing well on cash. After releasing false information in a press release, which is typically a standard move in the corporate world, Lordstown Motors CEO and CFO have resigned from the company you’ve never heard of. “Tesla made it look so easy I figured some dudes in Ohio, the US’ largest tech hub between Indiana and Pennsylvania, could do the same,” said former CEO Steve Burns.

“I mean we did it the way right! We borrowed a shit ton of money from GM and then purchased the design IP from another company. We just had everyone else do the work and take credit like Glickenhaus! And look at him now! He finished an impressive 54 laps down in his cars debut last weekend!”