CHICAGO, Illinois – The prospect of a motorsports street race in Chicago took a major hit this week as Mayor Lori Lightfoot confirmed that all dates conflict with the city’s 14 different meat festivals. “We love the idea of NASCAR or Indycar coming to our beautiful city and running a course around the Buckingham fountain,” said Lightfoot, “However, we have 14 meat festivals every summer that we cannot move or cancel, so it’s not looking likely.”

“Meat is a big part of our history and we can never forget that. Dogs, Brats, Italian Sausage, Shaved Beef, they are all more important to this city than Jeff Gordon could ever be.”