LOS GATOS, California – December 16th, 1981 was the day driver AJ Almendinger was born, so today the NASCAR, openwheel, and sportscar star celebrated his 39th birthday. Yes, you read that right, only his 39th. We all assumed he was at least 50 because he’s seemingly been around for f*#&ing ever.

What the hell Dinger, how are you not even 40 yet? Your wikipedia page is longer than the history of the United States, how is this even possible? What is your diet and sleep schedule like? Do you have any animal blood sacrifices to keep your aging down? Are you actually an immortal highlander from the Clan MacLeod?

We need to know.