RIDGEWAY, Virginia – A native Virginia racist is upset that the noose he put in a Martinsville Speedway garage was not recognized as a noose, but simply a door pull. “It’s a noose you idiots!” said the racist wearing confederate flag-clad shorts, “How do you not see it’s a noose! It has the loop and the twist above it. A noose! Take that people different from me and eat it NASCAR trying to bring politics into my sport! Come on everybody!”

NASCAR officials and team members were confused when asked about the noose with one replying, “That? Uh, that’s a garage door pull.” as he walked away.