DOTHAN, Alabama – Local Southern Baptist kid Jimmy Simpson is excited the NASCAR season has returned to live racing.  With the second race from Darlington Speedway taking place on Wednesday night, Jimmy convinced his parents to let him skip Awana Youth Group this one time so he could watch the race.  Unfortunately for him, he will now go to hell.

Jimmy was a pretty good kid,” said God, “But he really blew it last night by skipping Awana.  When he dies, which could be at anytime, he’ll burn in an eternal fire.”