ATLANTA, Georgia – Capitalizing on the momentum of being named the Time’s 2019 Person of the Year, 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg has been chosen as part of a three-person driver lineup for the 2020 Rolex 24 alongside Andy Lally and Spencer Pumpelly for the newly formed Annoying Vegans Racing. “Spencer and I thought with everything Greta has done this year to annoy people about being vegan she is by far the best candidate to join us in this new endeavor, and while Spencer prefers to be low-key about his veganism, he still can be annoying. Greta is more like me and prefers direct confrontation, but I am not sure she likes to threaten people posting pictures of bacon on her Instagram,” said Lally, who stopped shreddding the gnar long enough to explain what Let’s Be Annoying Vegans Racing plans to accomplish. “This will be a first year effort which means expectations will be kept in check. Our strategy will focus on driving the car around for 24 hours and screaming out the window about being vegan and harassing anyone we see eating a corn dog or pork chop and call them a dickbag. We will be checking all the boxes on vegan bingo.”
Lally added that Thunberg suggested riding a bicycle for 24 hours, but that idea was shot down by Pumpelly who wants a livery with a calf stuck in a veal crate and the words ‘THIS IS YOUR DAIRY INDUSTRY AT WORK’ emblazoned on the sides.