LONDON, England – A rightly upset five-time Formula World Champion took to Instagram yesterday to voice his displeasure with the society of the world today and how other people not named Lewis Hamilton are ruining the world. “After I get dropped off on my $3mil yacht from my private helicopter, I like to grab a tofu burger on the deck and just look out at the beautiful creation that is Earth,” said Lewis Hamilton as he tossed an uncut six-pack can plastic ring into the Sea, “Far too many people are ruining the World and I just want to give up. Look, I park my V10 Lamborghini outside of my private Swiss bank just like everyone else and I have to walk past these terrible concrete/asphalt canyons of buildings and streets to cash my multi-million dollar paycheck from a huge oil company and it’s just sad. Why can’t Zurich plant a tree or two? No, they want to cut them down to build another mixed-use building that I haven’t invested in yet. Disgusting.”
“If more people would just go vegan, our world would be secure for generations to come,” finished Hamilton after he spit on an orphan begging for a dollar.