OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma – Negotiations between Sonic Drive-In and AutoZone came to a conclusion this week with the announcement of a successful merger that will see the newly formed company become a one-stop shop for guys who bought a car for $1500 from their uncle. “We could not be happier with this outcome, and in short time our customers will feel the same,” said a spokesperson for the yet to be named company, who was making the announcement at the Sonic on Johnny Bench Drive. “AutoZone provides the perfect car accessories to our target customer and in their price range. Stick on vents? They have them. Tire valves that look like dice? They have them too. Add that to Sonic’s cheap as shit menu options and having locations near derelict malls with no loitering enforcement, and you have a bright future as a company.”

At press time, there was no word on what this means for the two obnoxious guys in the Sonic commercials.

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