CUPERTINO, California- In an unexpected move, Apple CEO Tim Cook took a few minutes during Apple’s WWDC 2019 keynote presentation to unveil an all new Siri function that will be available with the latest iOS upgrade and allow users to avoid stanced car owners. “At Apple we are never slowing down, never taking a day off, and always moving forward in a highly competitive industry. We are here today to prove again Apple is the gold standard of these principles which is why we will now help our customers avoid the terrible people that insist on stancing their cars,” said Cook, wearing his standard black sweater and blue jeans just like the common man. “Apple has taken every step to ensure you will never again have to experience these people or the abominations they drive around in.

Whether it is an Infinity, Honda, or an old GMC Jimmy, Siri has your back and promises to give at least a 30 second warning to leave the area.” In private Cook confided that this feature was more of a person pet peeve of his but knew Apple customers will eat it up anyway.