By Dale Hooper

Listen up. This stuff today with carbon fiber safety cells and fire suppression systems is for sissies. You know why racing used to capture the attention of the general public week in and week out? Then get ready to hear the truth, snowflake. Fire. That’s right. It’s the same power that helped ancient man conquer the darkness, but this time it was good old bonfires stoked by flammable chemicals and flesh. Go to your YouTube and search Roger Williamson. That’ll put some hair on your chest! Fire extinguishers? Bah! No thanks. Men letting flames consume them as a sacrifice to the track should be the common ground that brings fans together. They call Tony Stewart ‘Smoke’ yet he probably doesn’t light his own birthday candles. Dave MacDonald went out in a great ball of flame and everyone remembers. Who even won the Indianapolis 500 this year? Some foreign road racer no one can name and has never been burnt to a cinder on the front stretch that’s who. Even if a driver did burn to death nowadays, it would be for some virus video or whatever. Going up like some dry kindling hit with a torch was the drama. Not knowing if the driver would burn slowly or whether they were killed by the impact then left to roast like a forgotten marshmallow over a campfire was what we paid to see. Young people need to realize that drivers in gasoline filled magnesium tubes is what made the sport such a force, and I believe we can get back to that.