SPEEDWAY, Indiana – To the surprise of millions, McLaren did not make the cut for the 103rd running of the Indianapolis 500 as the Zak Brown-lead organization finds themselves in an unfamiliar position.  The McLaren Formula 1 program, which has been consistently great since the days of Bruce, are in contention for wins and championships every single year, but the failure to qualify for the Indy 500 leaves a bad taste in the mouth of driver Fernando Alonso.  “I have never experienced this feeling with McLaren in my career“, said the two-time World Champion, “McLaren has always given me a winning shot and had my back, so for the team to not even be one of the fastest 33 cars in Indycar, is quite the shock.  Even Pippa is faster than us.”  Church bells typically reserved for mourning were heard ringing through the town of Woking, England, where McLaren is head quartered, this evening as residents were in complete shock as many donned all-black outfits enhanced with veils.

It is also suspected that Fernando Alonso may have early onset dementia after his recent comments made about his experiences with McLaren were positive.