By Frederick Bristol,

Holy hell have you seen his eyes? There’s no way George Russell ISN’T an alien, right? Right??  They say the average human head weights 8 pounds, but there’s nothing average here.  Russell’s head is at least a 12 pounder, if not 13!  Gotta weigh his eyes in stone!

Look at it this way.  Would any normal, functioning human drive for Williams?  No.  But, if an alien race wanted to implant themselves on Earth, they would probably pick one of the most popular sports on the planet to get into and start targeting humans that way.  What’s the worst, most unprofessional team in Formula 1 that wouldn’t think twice about signing a driver that walks, talks, smells, and looks like an alien? Williams.

Case closed, I’m ringing Chase Carey and having him report this to the Space Force.  Enjoy your seat while you have it Alienboy, looks like ‘Ol Fil Massa will be back after all.  But to be honest, are we sure Massa isn’t an alien too?