MARTINSVILLE, Virginia – Adding to an already competitive field of candidates for 2020, the Famous Martinsville Speedway Hot Dog has announced its bid for President against a crowded field of candidates. Looking resplendent on a steamed bun covered in chili, slaw, mustard and onions, the Jesse Jones red hot hopes to set itself from other candidates with a message of coming together. “For far too long we have been divided along religious, economic, and political lines, but that stops today,” yelled the hot dog over the cheers of local citizens. “Think back to your first Famous Martinsville Speedway Hot Dog and how it made you feel. The grass was greener, the sky was bluer, and the burn on the back of your throat from the nitrates left you believing peace and equality are within reach. Let’s make every day a Famous Martinsville Speedway Hot Dog day!”
When the Famous Martinsville Speedway Hot Dog was asked why a dark money group linked to the mustard and canned chili lobby was pouring money into its campaign, the Famous Martinsville Speedway Hot Dog refused to answer before quickly exiting.