HEAVEN – God has admitted He was to blame for the downpours that halted yesterday’s only Indy 500 test before the Memorial Day weekend race. Saying that the lead up is always tough on Him, God could not hold back, “As the creator of the entire universe and everything therein, I understand a lot of awful stuff is going to happen. Those involved will be judged accordingly when the time comes, but the one that gets me every year is thinking about the Indy 500 before the split of [19]’96.” After taking a minute to condemn someone to eternal damnation, God continued, “watching that live stream of the Indy test today really did me in. Thinking of all those cars and engine manufacturers we don’t see anymore can become just too much, and the tears started to flow. Sorry not sorry.”

When asked if he was also responsible for the thunder, God answered it was to remind everyone of the Buick V6 and how much he missed it.