AUSTIN, Texas – Theodore Minaratti, an archaeologist specializing in the United State’s south region, has found that Turn 1 at Circuit of the Americas, also called Phil’s Hill, was built upon an ancient failed food truck burial ground. “For centuries Austin has been the self proclaimed ‘weird’ city that excels in cultural culinary and musical experiences,” said Minaratti in front of a room of reporters, “They have pushed the limit on what is normal for a city and what’s expected from the food scene. Going back thousands of years we can see evidence of food truck businesses, something that has stuck in Austin’s culture. To this day, 14 new food trucks are started each day, but 95% of them fail because hipsters have no idea what their doing unless coffee is involved.”
Minaratti and his team of experts have confirmed that where COTA’s turn 1 currently stands is where the failed food trucks would be ceremoniously buried and believes that racing on this sacred ground is why COTA has flooded and the track surface is rapidly decaying.