MARANELLO, Italy – Greeting a tour group full of enthusiastic Tifosi that had made their way to the hallowed grounds of Maranello, Sebastian Vettel took some time to welcome the group, thank them for their support, and inform them that his spin on Sunday was not due to panicking but a viral marketing campaign to promote a new Ferrari World ride. “That spin on lap 38 was just something I came up with along with our marketing team before the race and nothing more,” said Vettel, who directed his comments to a crying fan dressed head to toe like a Ferrari Pope. “Now some of you may say I have a history of spinning or making huge errors when it counts most, but this time is different. There is no better marketing activation than being passed by the world’s most famous driver and spinning at the same time. You can’t pay for exposure like that. Look how many times it was replayed! YouTube views are already at 2,000,000 and climbing on crappy channels, and now you all have the chance to experience that at Ferrari World’s new Tilt-A-Whirl.”

Much to Vettel’s chagrin, the tour had to move along before he could find some bullshit reason to explain away crashing at the 2018 German Grand Prix.