MELBOURNE, Australia – For the first time in the history of Formula 1, the FIA has just decided to award Mercedes both the Constructor’s and Driver’s world championships after the first two practice sessions in Melbourne. “Due to the inevitably of Mercedes taking both championships in 2019, we found it prudent to just end this embarrassing spectacle now and look forward to 2020,” said FIA president Jean Todt, before thanking fans for their feedback, “The FIA would especially like to thank those fans who said the season was rigged anyway and that they would never watch again.

Australia has the best fans in the world!,” exclaimed Hamilton, now six time world champion. “I really have to give it up to Ferrari for pushing us all Friday, and I am still not sure we had the fastest car this Friday, but we came out on top thanks to the awesome people that work at Mercedes.” Wolff and Hamilton concluded with an awkward embrace before Hamilton threw his trophy in the air, caught it, then pointed at no one in particular.