DAYTONA, Florida – Seeing rain was in the forecast for Sunday morning, Kyle Hazel, was excited to tell everyone around him that rain always spices up the show and separates the champs from the chumps. At the end of a rain drenched Daytona 24, Hazel’s lifeless corpse was found in a dumpster behind the media center. “We have contacted local authorities about this heinous act that we would never condone,” said a member of track security tasked with crowd control. “But let’s be honest that the weather was just awful, people were irritable, and this guy was telling them how great it was. Who’s the real victim here?

Daytona Police plan to launch a full investigation but reminded everyone most crimes go unsolved and would anyone really be that upset.