LIMA, Ohio – Years of hard work and determination do not always work out as one local traffic cone has discovered. Sitting in a minor league baseball stadium parking lot can be depressing and a waste of talent. “My dad was a traffic cone at some famous race tracks and mother worked in construction zones helping to save hundreds, if not thousands of lives,” said the cone,”yet here I am watching some kid in a WRX go by every couple minutes or getting run over by a Miata. This isn’t an honest living. Sitting outside a dumpster warning garbage trucks would be an improvement.”

The interview was cut short when an out of control Honda S2000 flattened the cone.