HURON, South Dakota – The recent and sudden death of a prominent motorsport journalist left family and friends searching for answers. Police had ruled out foul play, and family members told investigators there were no signs of drug or alcohol use.
Autopsy results released this past Tuesday revealed the cause of death to be “Scoopitis”. “Scoopitis is extremely rare but not infectious, and we want to ensure the public there is no reason for alarm,” the coroner assured everyone, “The primary trigger of this disease is an insatiable thirst for racing scoops. At first it starts with the high of breaking a story, such as one driver switching teams, and eventually leads to needing quicker hits in a shorter time period. In this case the deceased was writing articles on trivial matters such as speculation and rumor but labeling it ‘Scoop’ which lead to a sudden deterioration of physical well being. I ask that any family members noticing anyone close to them going through this to please reach out for help. The same goes for journalists with two hour podcasts that spend most of their time sighing.”