LOS ANGELES, California – In a ceremony held at the local Twin Peaks patio, Capitol Records’ President Mitchell Anders announced that the Indy Racing League anthem ‘I Am Indy’ has become the recording industry’s best selling single of all time, overtaking Elton John’s ‘Candle in the Wind’. Gene Simmons, surrounded by plaid-clad waitresses, did that tongue thing then flashed the hand sign associated with bad ass old school rock and roll before speaking. “When Tony George asked me to write a song for the Indy Racing League and paid me $400,000, I threw on my best shoulder spikes and spent a good seven minutes coming up with it,” said Simmons as fake blood dripped from his mouth and doing the tongue thing a second time before continuing, “‘Candle in the Wind’ is just about some dead broad or something.” Simmons did the tongue thing a third time before leaving the podium. Present among the crowd was George, the Chairman of Hulman & Co. that oversees the family’s racing interests. George had nothing but praise for the iconic rocker, “well, I uh, when we came up with, uh, ideas, we wanted music that…is that someone stealing my car?” Along with George were a number of Indy Racing League luminaries including Richie Hearn who wept openly.

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