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Nantucket, MA – The FAA held a press conference today to discuss the culmination of a three year long study to find solutions to deficiencies in the nation’s air travel. The study examined Twitter posts from racing drivers and motorsport journalists. “This was a remarkable study that allowed us to look at metrics previously ignored,” Robert Mutton, Director of the Department of Analyzing Bitchy Tweets, told the packed room of reporters, “For year after year the FAA was operating under the assumption there were no issues with air travel. We receive feedback on an almost constant basis from both the airlines and airports but have never been told things like delayed flights and mechanical issues were occurring. The constant bitching tells us some of these drivers or journalists must be carrying life saving organs that are desperately needed by doctors at their destination, or why else complain about your flight being a half late then following up by saying you are owed a free sandwich?” The FAA promised to stay vigilant and said the report and all corresponding data would be released to all concerned parties before the end of the month. Mutton refused to comment on the free sandwiches.

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